Every week day I wake up at 5:30 am and snooze until the very last moment possible and then rush through my morning routine. I drive my partner to work and continue to school. I spend 7 hours in this building. Four of those I spend in the same room. Most of those I am reading, or blogging, or surfing the internet aimlessly. Though most of my fellow students are good guys, I always end up in uncomfortable situations.
First, I’d like to reiterate that most of the guys I study with are good guys. Maybe I could go as far as saying they don’t know any better. They are a product of a society that teaches them what is is to be “male” and everything from that entails. Yet in the past few weeks I have witnessed comments and conversations that pass through this school with no second thought, no guilt or analysis. This week while discussing what made a good sandwich whilst also critiquing a guy’s lunch he commented that he had not made the sandwich, his girlfriend made it. At the end of his defense he added, “She’s in training.” Laughter rumbled through the group. I shook my head and slumped. A different member of the group scoffed and half-heartedly mentioned that comment wasn’t, but he waved it off.
These sort of comments surface once in a while. When they do I usually keep quiet and file it for late, when I can complain to my partner and then to my friends. I struggle to decide what I should be doing in these situations.
On the one hand, I can speak up. I can tell them that those comments are not O.K. That they are insulting and that that way of thinking should not go unnoticed. That they need to think about what they are saying and change their attitude. The culture that accepts those comments is one where women still struggle. And yet, I know that my voice will fall on deaf ears. I know that I will be categorized as a man-hater. I know that I will pushed aside as a hysteric woman that doesn’t know anything and just likes to complain about how things are. On the other hand, what am I doing by keeping quiet? I am becoming just as guilty of their prejudiced and misogynistic comments. I am allowing them to continue to believe that how culture defines “man” (strong, in charge, mechanical) and “woman” (soft, delicate, domesticated) is good, natural and unchanging. So what is a girl to do?
I know wonderful men that fall into this trap and I know wonderful men who don’t. I believe that one voice, joined together with others will eventual bring change, but I also just want to do my work, turn in assignments and get the hell out of here as soon as possible.
So it goes.
So it goes. 